You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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