i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
