Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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