and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
