i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
