You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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