i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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