your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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