I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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