How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
