does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
