I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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