we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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