thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
