Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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