physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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