do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Someone signed my nipple.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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