I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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