I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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