Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
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