he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
