Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
