But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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