I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
This is the high leading the old right now
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
