my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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