Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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