you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize