I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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