you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize