Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
