the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
