I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
