Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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