I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
