that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
