Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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