your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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