I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
