i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
