The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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