Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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