Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
