he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
