I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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