I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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