you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
