i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
