No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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