I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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