there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
