You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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