you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
