Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
