no, he came in my armpit
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
