Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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