conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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