Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
