I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
