I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
