my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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