i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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