My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Randomize