i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
