come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
