I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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