i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Farmville is her only friend.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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