That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
