i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
