Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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